Undeniably Human

The question: What are the things which you can least deny you’re self in this life? 

It probes further then the simple “What are the most important things in you’re life” because some of the 
things you may want to deny, try to deny, but in the end, you can not. What are they? The answers will differ 
from person to person, as the interpretation of the question will, and personal preferences of course come 
into play. Here are my picks, plus a few selected from the responses of friends. I like to ask this question 
of my friends before I tell them mine, cause I do not want to bias them into thinking along my lines, or my 
interpretation of the question. There is no one right answer or interpretation.

What are the things which I can not deny my self in this life?

My basic nature
Long Walks
Favorite food
Motor bikes
Traveling anywhere
Acts of giving
Alone Time
Artistic expression
Future Savings
Independence of thought/Actions
The call of the open road
Taking things apart
Making things
Creating Plausible Explanations for Observed Phenomena
The Love of teaching
A good laugh with buddies
Driving vehicles to the brink of their destruction
Distrust of government
Dislike of religions
Distain for the weak-of-will
Feeling that life is short
Joy of playing with kids/dogs/cats…
Awe of nature and dams and bridges
Hate of traffic
Hate of authority
Feeling Like I have a purpose
Not knowing what that purpose is
Seeing patterns everywhere
Pleasure of intellectual sparing
Sleeping late
Scavenging Junk yards/Scrap heaps


Friend #1:
1. Sleep
2. Food
3. Sex
4. Friends
5. Sight
6. Air
7. Interesting questions 
8. Interesting answers
9. Humor
10. Fried noodles
11. Health

Friend #2:
Food (even when I’m full!)
Travel/Getting out and about
Wanting Companionship
Liking pretty/New things
Hate of negligent parent
Love of Girlfriend/Boyfriend

Friend #3:
Means to acquire 1-4

Friend #4:
Mis Crencias.			My Beliefs
Familia.				Family
Educación.			Education
Mi cultura mexicana.		My Mexican Culture
Me gusta trabajar.		My love of work
Personalidad.			Personality
Valores morales.		Moral Values
Dignidad. 			Dignity
Iluciones				Illusions
Ternura.				Delicateness, fragileness

Friend #5:
Bodily Processes
Limitations of Food/Sleep/Breathing
Impossibility to be exactly as others
Human Nature
Jealousy (of food, thoughts, materials, friends, like pride or greed)

Friend #6:
1) Love -- meaning that I'm not going to choose a career over family, or deny myself love (of a man) for any 
external, societal, racial, religious, whatever reasons.  I'll stay with my child as long as I can, because I 
love him.  I'll drive back home every weekend because I love my mom.  I'll  find a decent boyfriend and DAMN THE 
TORPEDOES because of love...

2) Travel -- no explanation needed.

3) Toys (and non-essential things) for my child -- you may not think this qualifies as a thing I can't deny myself,
 but it does.  Making him happy makes me happy.  And I really love giving him cool and interesting things that 
expand his mind.  Just today he was taking a screw-driver to his new "alphabet bus" toy and he very nearly got 
it apart.  Sound familiar?

4) The Internet -- information and communication at my fingertips, nearly instantly, 24 hours a day... 
Oooooooohhhhhhhh yeah!

5) Beauty -- be it an apartment with a great view, a pretty dress, fresh cut flowers in the Spring.  I'll fork out 
a little extra if what it gets me is beautiful.

6) Solitude -- even if it means pissing someone off or not answering my phone (which often pisses people off).  
Without solitude I take on too much of the world and it bogs me down.

7) Eccentricity -- I will never again make excuses or apologize for the fact that I'm a little strange.
I'll celebrate it!

8) Salt -- fuck health scientists.  Without salt, food isn't worth eating.

9) Books -- no explanation needed, beyond the fact that I don't consider reading fiction to be a waste of time.  
It's good for my soul.

10) Art -- even if I'm no good at it.  Maybe especially if I'm not, eh?

Friend #7:
What can I not deny?  What things in life must I have, regardless of pain, cost or inconvenience?  I think the 
answers are pretty basic.  Most of them do not make us human, they make us alive.  It is only after we get past 
the basics that we get to what makes us human, and that is a good thing to remember.  Our survival can demand we 
give up our humanity, and if we are not careful, we may agree to survive rather than remain human.  

I need (from most basic up)

This is the basic survival stuff.  Without this you aren't around to want anything else.  When we are down to the 
bone, this is what survival is about.  It isn’t about being human, it is about living to see the next day.

One can live without it, but one needs it to keep the hallucinations in check.  The body requires it, and one 
cannot deny the body too long.  Sooner or later you WILL sleep.  

This is probably the one need which I can say is both basic, and truly human.  I have to know I have a purpose, 
that there is some reason for my existence other than just to exist. I was given a glimpse of purpose when I was 
18, and the knowledge has stayed with me ever since.  Knowing I have a purpose, I can do anything, I can bear 
anything, because there is a reason to do so.  I do not know what the reason is, but knowing of it's existence 
is enough.  

I think this need is also universal.  It is ultimately the reason for all religions, and lack of purpose may be 
the root of most suicides.  If there is no purpose to a life, why does one need to live it?

I don't need friends, I don't need a wife, I don't need a family, I don't need kids, but I DO need to feel someone 
cares for me.  I get this from friends, family and spouse.  In turn, I need to care for someone.  It is not 
love, it is broader than that, but love is probably it's fullest expression.  It is also not a peculiarly human 
thing.  I see all sorts of animals who seem to need affection as well.  Just look at pets, especially dogs.  They 
are pack animals, and they need the pack (their family in most cases) for this affection.  At my house, the dog 
wants more than anything else to get affection from people, especially his master.

This one is a little more ethereal, but I think it is a need.  One's body is made to move, and there is great 
pleasure in using it.  On a personal level, I have gone for years without any regular exercise, but I always go 
back to doing something physical, because I need it.  An example is running.  I do not particularly LIKE it, but 
after a while, if there is no other physical outlet, I run, because it fills a need in me.  I want to sweat and 
breath heavily.  I need to feel I have stretched myself, or I don't feel complete.  

I am no aesthete.  I cannot deny sex, even when I want to.  Part of it is tied to the need for exercise.  Damp, 
sweaty, heavy breathing sex is the most rewarding exercise in existence.  Part of it is also the need for 
affection.  Sex with a prostitute is better than masturbation, but not much.  Sex with a stranger is better, 
because they have chosen you; they feel something for you, even if it is only desire.  Sex with a friend and/or 
a lover is as good as it gets, because the affection is there.  

However, sex also has it's own imperative.  It demands to be performed, even in the absence of any partner.  This 
is why we masturbate.  It is a need which will not be denied.  Parents and churches can rail against it, but sex 
will happen.  People can be made to feel guilty, but it will not stop.  I believe there are people for whom the 
need does not exist, but there are exceptions to every rule, and I am not an exception.  

is a want, not a need.  We can give up money fame, power, status, and we will feel a loss, but we will not be 
compelled to get it, no matter the cost.  Again, there are people for whom each thing seems crucial, and they 
pursue it as if it was a need, but pare things down, and sooner or later they will fall away.

Friend #8:
I can't deny myself my own process -- the process of my life -- without aborting my life. Can't be done. Even if 
I ended up a bitter old man, lying on my deathbed dejected and depressed at my wasted life, I could not deny my 
soul's process. I could be in denial, but the program would continue to run, and I'd have an experience of my life 
directly related to that process.

I could deny my calling to a higher consciousness. I could deny that life has meaning. I could deny that what we 
call God exists. And I CAN'T. It hardly leaves my consciousness. I can go unconscious for a period of time and 
focus on things that, in the long term are meaningless. But not for long and not forever.

I cannot deny that all the people and occurrences in my life -- "good" and "bad" -- were invited by me. I can't 
deny that, basically, the buck stops with me.

I can't deny myself my feelings, though I can choose how I act in light of or in response to those feelings.

I can't deny myself the opportunity to experience myself being, doing, creating, except at great expense. Death, 
again, or symbolic death. While many of my age contemporaries are retired or contemplating retirement, I can't 
imagine retiring.

I can't deny my experiences, though I could disown them or be in denial about them. Again at great cost. I can't 
deny my ancestry, my genes, the things I inherited from my parents and acquired in growing up. And I don't have to 
live out the obvious scenario, blaming my parents for a bad childhood, limiting myself based on handicaps or 
disabilities, carrying grudges, and blaming others for my life. I could, but to do so would be denying myself the 
potential of my life.

I could deny myself the full experience of life. But I don't want to suffer.

And speaking of suffering, I can't deny the suffering, I don't think. I believe that suffering is an essential 
part of life -- of a live really lived. That doesn't mean I have to suffer all my life and "receive my reward in 

I can't deny my need for people. It's sometimes great, but would be terrible as a permanent diet to be somewhere 
all alone with no people contact forever.

I can deny myself the pursuit of money and things and property just for the getting and having. Actually, I've 
done that. I've lived in austerity for about a decade. Often, it's felt like sacrifice, but the definition I like 
(of "sacrifice") is something you give up in return for something else. And if the something else is a thing of 
value, then it's maybe an "exchange," though it can feel like  "sacrifice."

I can't deny that I DON'T know everything about my life, how it's gone, and how it'll go. And sometimes I don't 
want to know the future. Usually, I don't need to or want to.

I CAN deny the present moment -- now, who I am, what I'm experiencing -- but it's not so easy; as it once was.

I can't deny my spiritual life. I may as well die.

Friend #9

Time alone
long walks
the company of propel you respect (if you can find any)
caring passionately about something
learning something new
teaching someone something
a past time you enjoy
living someplace you love
meaningful work or occupation (need not be the same thing)
rewarding your self when you do something good
proper food and medical care
honesty with yourself
kids and pets
leaving your options open
a happy balance of work and fun
sharing what you value with others

1. Mi naturaleza
2. Tiempo a solas
3. Libros
4. Espiritualidad
5. Astrologia
6. Ver cada Luna Llena
7. Escribir en my journal
8. estudio de la mente
9. Caminatas por montañas
10. Meditacion
11. jugar con niños
12. Besar y besar a mi pareja
13. creatividad
14. Compartir con amigos
15. Salir a correr
16. Comer Mexican food
17. Chocolate en toneladas
18. Cambiar de color a mi cabello
19. Decorar y pintar
20. Reir y reir
21. Buena musica
22. Bailar
23. acampar
24. soñar
25. Peliculas